Forgiveness Is Hard. Especially Without God.

Let's be honest, forgiveness is hard. Especially when someone hurt you deeply. It's easy to tell somebody, "You just need to forgive them." But when you're the one carrying the wound, it's not always that simple.

I've had moments where I've had to wrestle with forgiveness myself. Not because I didn't know what Scripture says, but because knowing what God asks of me and actually living it out can be two very different things. And that's why I've come to believe that forgiveness is difficult apart from God. Because sometimes everything in us wants justice. We want them to understand what they did. We want an apology.

We want them to hurt like we hurt.

But eventually, we have to ask ourselves, "How long are we willing to allow someone else's actions to occupy space in our heart?"

WHAT I'M LEARNING

Offense is dangerous because it rarely stays where it started. Someone hurts you. You become offended. You replay the situation. You build a story around it. Then that story begins influencing how you see them and eventually how you see other people.

You become guarded.

Distrustful.

Resentful.

Reactive.

And sometimes, without realizing it, the person who hurt you years ago is still influencing how you behave today. That's the danger. The offense becomes a prison, and you start carrying the key.

"Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."
— Hebrews 12:14–15

Notice the language: "A bitter root."

Roots grow underground. You don't always see them immediately. But eventually, they produce something. That's what unresolved offense can do. It can grow beneath the surface until it begins affecting your relationships, your leadership, your peace, and your ability to love people who had nothing to do with the original offense.

And here's the part I have to remind myself of: Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was okay.

It doesn't mean there shouldn't be boundaries. It doesn't mean reconciliation is always possible. It doesn't mean you have to put yourself back in an unhealthy situation. Forgiveness means I'm choosing not to allow what happened to have unlimited access to who I'm becoming.

And honestly? I need God's help with that. Because there are some things I cannot release through willpower alone.

And here's the uncomfortable question:

Am I holding onto this offense because it protects me, or because I'm afraid of what releasing it might require of me?

Sit with that one.

REFLECT + RESPOND

Who or what am I still carrying that God may be asking me to release?
How has unresolved offense affected the way I communicate, trust, lead, or love?
What would forgiveness look like for me, even if reconciliation isn’t part of the equation?

THIS WEEK'S PRACTICE

(Name It. Release It.)

Think of one offense you're still carrying.

Write down:

What happened:
Tell yourself the truth without minimizing it.

What it cost me:
Acknowledge the emotional impact.

What I'm choosing:
Write down what you are releasing to God.

Then pray:

"God, I don't know how to release this completely, but I'm willing to let You teach me how. Help me forgive without denying what happened. Give me wisdom to establish healthy boundaries, courage to heal, and freedom from the bitterness that no longer serves me."

You don't have to pretend you're healed.

Just be willing to begin releasing what is keeping you bound.

QUOTE TO CARRY

"Forgiveness doesn't change what happened. It changes how much power what happened has over what happens next."

(PROMOTE YOUR FRIENDS LIKE YOU DO THESE CELEBRITIES)

You Are Invited to the I AM THE ANSWER CONFERENCE '26

I AM THE ANSWER™ Educators Conference is a transformative professional learning experience designed to bring together classroom teachers, administrators, and aspiring leaders who believe that education is both a calling and a catalyst for change. This conference is grounded in the belief that educators are THE ANSWER and that sustainable transformation begins with empowered, well-supported educators.

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Time: 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.
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Deadline: September 15th at midnight

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Questions: contact Dr. Jacynth Joyce at (732) 789-0071

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This is the work I care deeply about helping people become more emotionally aware, resilient, and intentional in how they lead themselves and others.

Whether I'm speaking to an organization, facilitating a workshop, or coaching someone through their personal development, my goal is the same:

Help people move from simply functioning to becoming mentally ans emotionally healthier which results in better decision making and improved focus.

If your organization, school, ministry, or leadership team is looking for a speaker or facilitator around mental health, burnout prevention, resilience, self-worth, or healthy leadership, I'd love to have a conversation with you.

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