When You Say You're Fine...But You're Not

Can I ask you a question? How are you doing? Before you answer, really think about it.

Not how work is going.

Not how the family is doing.

Not whether the bills are paid.

Not what's next on your calendar.

How are you?

I've been sitting with that question a lot lately. I'm currently working on a project centered around the idea of what happens when you look fine, but you're really not. And working through it has forced me to examine some things in my own life too. Because "I'm fine" can mean a lot of things. Sometimes it means we're genuinely okay. Other times, it means "I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling."

Or, "I don't have the energy to talk about it."

Or, "People are depending on me, so I have to keep moving."

And sometimes...we've been saying "I'm fine" for so long that we haven't stopped to ask ourselves if it's actually true. That's the conversation I want to have with you today.

WHAT I'M LEARNING

One of the things I've been thinking about is how easy it is to confuse functioning with wellness. Life doesn't always stop when we're struggling. You can still meet deadline and show up for people.

Laugh.

Lead.

Pray.

Work.

Take care of your responsibilities.

So from the outside, nothing appears wrong. And that can make it difficult to recognize when something inside of us needs attention. But here's where I've been challenged. What if the question isn't "Can I handle this?" What if the question is "What is handling this costing me?"

Those are two very different questions. I've spent portions of my life proving that I could carry things. Maybe you have too. But capacity isn't only about how much you can hold. Wisdom is also knowing when what you're carrying is beginning to change you.

Maybe you're more irritable than usual.

Maybe you've been withdrawing.

Maybe your patience is shorter.

Maybe you're having trouble being present.

Maybe you're constantly exhausted.

Maybe you're accomplishing things but can't seem to enjoy any of them.

Those things aren't always problems to immediately fix. Sometimes they're information. They're invitations to become curious about what's happening inside of you.

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?"
— Psalm 42:5

I've always found that interesting. David doesn't immediately silence what he's feeling. He asks a question.

Why?

There's something powerful about becoming curious about yourself instead of immediately judging yourself. Maybe emotional awareness begins there and not with having all the answers. Maybe it begins with being willing to ask better questions.

REFLECT + RESPOND

When I tell people “I’m fine,” what am I usually trying to communicate—or avoid communicating?
What has changed about me lately that I haven’t taken time to understand?
What emotion has been showing up repeatedly in my life, and what might it be trying to tell me?

THIS WEEK'S PRACTICE

(Get Curious About Yourself)

Find ten quiet minutes this week.

No phone.

No music.

No podcast.

No productivity.

Just you.

And ask yourself:

"What's been happening inside of me lately?"

Write whatever comes up.

Don't correct it.

Don't spiritualize it.

Don't immediately create an action plan.

And don't judge yourself for what you discover.

Just pay attention.

Then ask: "What do I need?"

Your answer may be practical.

Rest.

A conversation.

A boundary.

Support.

Prayer.

Time.

Professional help.

Or maybe the most honest answer right now is: "I don't know."

That's okay too.

Because the goal isn't to have yourself completely figured out.

The goal is to become more aware of the person you're carrying into every room.

QUOTE TO CARRY

"Self-awareness begins when you stop asking, 'Can I handle it?' and start asking, 'What is handling it doing to me?'"

WHAT ARE YOU READY TO CHANGE?

Maybe you've been struggling with confidence. Maybe you're navigating a major transition. Maybe you know what you need to do but can't seem to get yourself moving. Or maybe you're leading a team that needs a stronger culture of accountability, communication, and emotional resilience.

That's where coaching can help.

I offer 1:1 personal coaching and group coaching experiences for organizations and teams designed to help people build emotional resilience, gain clarity, strengthen leadership, and turn insight into action.

If you're ready to stop going in circles and start moving differently, let's talk.

SCHEDULE YOUR DISCOVERY SESSION

I WANT TO BE YOUR NEXT SPEAKER

Whether I'm speaking to an organization, facilitating a workshop, or coaching someone through their personal development, my goal is the same:

Help people move from simply functioning to becoming mentally and emotionally healthier which results in better decision making and improved focus.

If your organization, school, ministry, or leadership team is looking for a speaker or facilitator around mental health, emotional intelligence, burnout prevention, resilience, self-worth, or leadership development, I'd love to have a conversation with you.